Blowing Bubbles

Things start to change. I just started noticing time's turn one cold friday morning, 1010 hours. I was sipping my coffee, looking out to the gray sky through an open door while snugglingmy butt in the couch's comfort. I'd have to say, nostalgia didn't bother me, but it's cousin passed by. It's October. It's the "ber" months. Holiday bells are within earshot. During these times, back when I was in school, every nociceptor in my body started to itch. An anticipatory itch. Anticipating of that once in a year moment that my family would once again be complete. Happiness. The energy. Hah! Plus, the best weather comes in the "ber" months. Cold nights; chilly days. and I got to wear my cardigans. Oh how I wish it could last yearround. I just sooooo love the cold. Anyways, let's go back to where Ileft off nostalgia's cousin. It just occured to me at that very moment that it has been several years passed already and those stuff I used to do and experience were becoming out of my hands now. I mean, not totaly. Though things kind of modify. I don't like it. New people came into our lives. Became part of our family. Consider me a weirdo, but sometimes, when I'm alone and the weather's kind of gloomy, I started to cry just by the thought of it. Why? How the hell I know?! I know how to understand people. I can understand people's behavior, but I now realized that there are some things that you cannot apply to your own self, but that you are good at applying it other people. Hello, I welcome you to "me" island. I don't understand me. Or maybe I refuse to. I don't need your help, reader. Thank you for the concern, but I'm good.

Make-up

It's what every real girl does. the only difference is that some like it heavy most of the time; some like it sexy; some like it light and simple; some like it almost nude; and some look like they've been pulled out from a fairytale page where the evil stepmother was standing a while ago. again, this issue sometimes gets into my nerves, especially when i'm discussing it with my eldest sister. this one question always pops into y mind everytime we have some kind of "light"argument regarding make-ups: Is it a sin to apply a make up in an ordinary day? Damn NO! .. well maybe to her. i mean, you know how i love my sisters, especially this one. she's like my 3rd parent. i understand her being strict to me, especially my whereabouts and the people i go out with, most of the time. but this make-ip issue is way too far already. im fed up. it's too much of her sisterly-parently advices. small things such as this shouldn't be paid much attention. and besides, does it make me less of a person? i really want to bark this question in front of her everytime she makes comments about why i should wear make up when i go out, or about my outfit, or how i do my hair. GOSH!!!! it's makingme insane!!!! and it's so frustrating because she is, above all,my sister, and i kind of look up to her ever since i was a kid. sorry sis but i gotta let this out. this prevents me from doing the things that could make you feel bad about me, or about yourself.

Nostalgia Hits Me

There's something about the wind this morning. While sipping my morning coffee and making my butt comfy on the couch by the window, a soft breeze caught me and i was like, hey this feels like a deja vu or something...maybe it's just me, but i really felt something. Have you experienced that feeling when everytime something appears before you, a person, a place, anything, that person or thing or situation reminds you of a memory - be it happy, sad, scary, gloomy, bitter, whatever- ? Well in my case, i just had it a while ago. The gentle wind that brushes through my legs reminded me of December- just weeks before christmas vacation. It's the middle of the year, yeah, i know, that's why even though i kinda feel this "stuff" almost, if not often, i am still always caught off guard. Seems like, they're all coming back to me now! It never failed to make me pause from whatever i am doing at the moment. It was a nice memory though, however, it made me feel sad. Maybe becasue i loved that memory so much i wish it stopped right there or maybe experience it over and over again; that life could've been a tape. But there's nothing i could do about it. Things change and i gotta live with that. Those were precious memories which i felt so lucky i got to experience it with people i am proud to call my friends, classmates, batchmates, buddies, acquaintances, flings (duhh?!). That was school days. Looking back, i always find myself laughing at things i'd done; with people i hang out with; places i went (with wishful thinking that i could've captured them all with the shutter). Maybe i felt sad because looking back, i could've done better; i coud've said the exact words at the perfect moments. Maybe i was just haunted by beautiful ghosts of ages past.

...

well anyway, that's the way it is. It has always been this way, and it will forever be. I just hope that my microglial cells would be mighty enough to resist aging, making those photographs in my head pertpetually colored.

Doris

I was pissed off by a tiny creature called "Doris". Funny, 'cos we have the same name, at least that's what my friends called me... by the way, he's a fish, or maybe it's she. I don't care. It really leaves me always wondering why tiy things would become such big of an issue. I'm the type of person who doesn't want to be reminded all the time. I am not stupid. Just shut up already coz i get it. Maybe people would see me as the type who doesn't wanna be told..know what, maybe i am..but still i disagree. I want to be told, especially on things in which i don't have any idea what it is or i don't seem to have any idea of what i am doing. The thing that always gets me pissed off is when after i made the mistake, there's always lots and lots of sermons. If i state my reason of doing so, all the more i get kilometric speeches. And it annoys me. I always get increased intracranial pressure for those moments. And then i'd start to show signs of disagreement or reason out more, they would now say that i don't want to be told something that's for the good. Excuse me. Hello? You know what, people always brings out the worst in me! And it makes me sad.

The Art of Happiness

They say that happiness is love and love is happiness. Yes, indeed! However, most of the time, i think people are underestimating the capacity in which Love and Happiness bring. Not to be biased, but according to my own personal statistics, many people seem to associate love and happiness to absolutely romance. Come to think of it, listen to radios, love songs are all over the place. And when we say love songs, what intantly pops in our minds is that two people happily being together, getting to know each other, getting their romance stronger, breaking up, can't be togehter for some reasons, etcetera...etcetera..etcetera... i pity these people. What a tiny little world they got in there. i realized though, with some intense soul surfing, that love and happiness is infinite. i think it's supposed to be like that, and i think all of us know that. We just need a little nudge to wake us up. you know why i was able to come across this writing thingy? because in my situation, people are pushing me to join them in the "romantic world". And then they would question me, "So, what's your plan? to be the world renowned old maid?" Duhh?! so what? Judgmental little freaks! And if i do, what are they gonna do? Burn me on the stakes? And does that make me less of a person? or maybe, my friends stop befriending me? i just got so pissed off with that stereotyping negative thing they associate with single people...like me, and not to mention- an NBSB one like me. They made the word "single" sounds like a curse. I'm sorry but it just didn't sound good at all. People please!! Don't be such a tunnel-mind. Okay, i'm calming down. Well, anyways, i just would like to say that being happy is anything. If you listen to the song "Almost" by Tamia, you would really feel sorry for the person, and would also feel sorry for yourself as well if that happens to you. Yes, painful as it is, i know, but hey, you're life doesn't stop there! I believe that we got no hold of our own lives. And i may suggest: Don't fret. Let God take hold of your steering wheel. I believe He has plans for each one of us; even before we were born, or even before our parents think of conceiving us. I know it's hard to let loose of something we've been holding on to for a long time ços we got used to it, and especially if that's what we really wanted. But take my advice: You might be bitter or broken or whatever feeling and situation you are in to right now, trust me, if you just let loose, before you know it, you're already having the time of your life. You may not find the answers now of why you're in this tragic situation, sooner or later, you can't even answer at all of why you are this happy even if you are not romantically in love. It's God's plan working on you. You don't need someone just to fulfill something empty in you, or something that completes the puzzle. If you don't find romantic love, the world does not terminate you. The real world is so gentle to us. It is just us who created this make-believe world, that we say wonderful and sweet, and then in a moment we got scared of it- that we want to die just so we can escape from it's torment. Well in reality, life goes on, unless you get hit by a bus, and you have to accept that and pull yourself up. It is said in a movie, and i quote, "Life gets us down, but we choose, whether or not, to get us up."And if the world does stop and your life is over, i tell you, you're boyfriend or girlfriend is not going with you (even if you do suicide together). Good night! -,-