A very touching story

Married or not… you should read this.
Marriage.

“When I got home that night as... my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

I saw this on the internet.. I thought I would share this on tumblr to my followers and randoms.
(Source: nathanpersuasion)

We could hold hands & then you can kiss me & then we could fall in love

you can be the peanut butter in my jelly. you can be the butterflies i feel in my belly. you can be the captain i can be your first mate. you can be the hero i can be your sidekick. coz your the apple to my pie. your the straw to my berry. you can be the sweet tooth i can be the dentist. you can be the shoes & i can be the laces. you can be the vodka & i can be the chaser. you can be the pencil & i can be the paper. and we're the perfect two.

Blind Spot

Alone and Laughing

What with the boredom all over me, i was checking my previous blogs out and found myself laughing at myself. How could i be so melodramatic with those stuff i said? Was that me? haha... Where the heck did i get those "inspiration/motivation" for writing, to start with? The latter parts were okay; t'was just about life and my experiences, but the first ones were like... Why did i post them here in the first place when people can see them (oh yes, i can hear my friends chuckling as they read those), and could probably use them to blackmail me? But that's okay, though. It's alright. At least, i was able to blog and it made me happy when i wrote those, for sure. I just never thought i could be like, straightforward, true, open, so real about myself. It really wasn't me, i''m telling you. But maybe, that's what it's all about. The least you expect yourself of being capable of doing something, it turns out to be the opposite.

P.S. You know why i am writing this? Because i'm dying to blog but my mind has nothing to give me right now. I had a few ideas on what to blog but now i forgot them. Proscrastination really ruins everything! I could've been reading my supposedly blogs right now. tsk tsk

Simple pleasures. Perfectly simple. Simply perfect.

bikey schmikey: haah.. this cannot be compared. i don't even know what's in a bike that i love so badly. maybe i've mistaken it for a horse. it's a perfect prop for a candid shot, don't you think?(the camwhore that i am).


under the rain: anything goes under it. i'm taking my shoes off and run wild feeling the cold grass on my feet. umbrellas are a spoiler so throw them away. be a retard under the rain. it's fun. trust me.


coffee: my all-time bff. never fails me. steadies my nerves. and keeps me company.


walking under a sunny-cloudy sky in a windy day: just that. with or without company, i'ma go for this one. feeling the soft sun on my cheeks and the wind dusting my careless hair. tomorrow i'm gonna do it again.



camwhoring at definitely anywhere, anytime: randomness is a talent. spontaneity is a gift. camera-shy is a not a word in my vocabulary.




sands and surf and nothing to do: my ultimate retreat. when all else fails, the beach fills me. nothing compares to it's breathtaking glory. a perfect backdrop for my camwhore-ness.




eat, drink, and be merry: pure fun+good friends+happy drinks= lip licking goodness!


roadtrip: tapping my fingers on the car's dashboard to the beat of country music, heading towards nowhere, just hanging around and stop every now and then to pose for the cam-- is my definition of spontaneous.




slumber party: i've always been dreaming of a perfect slumber party with my closest friends and stay up all night and then wake up the following morning with my big toe on my friend's nose.


water guns: these are sweet. kids stuff are so much fun i am willing to trade my license just to have this scene over and over again.


laugh out loud: nothing is as relaxing as a hard, jaw-locking, hearty laugh. i'd better laugh for 10 mins than go to the gym for 30. aww.. the joy of laughing.

...11 and still counting... tick..tock..tick..tock...

My Personal Feedback (from someone virtual)

"Starting with motivations, your assessment shows that you have balanced, average interests in people and data, and less motivation to work with material things such as tools, equipment, or machinery. The kind of tasks that will appeal to you will involve information that can be measured or expressed in some logical way. You would enjoy manipulating data as text or numbers to create reports, and you would be glad to have in-depth, face-to-face discussions with others about those reports. You will generally choose to solve problems by accumulating facts and interacting with people. However, with your minimal interest in mechanical things, you might be frustrated if you had to manipulate data and communicate with others via complicated software, devices, or equipment. Any tools you use should be simple and reliable because you don't enjoy tinkering with machinery. Summing up your overall mindset, you are able to cultivate human relations and manipulate abstract data, but you prefer to avoid complicated gadgets and machinery. A career that fully engages your interest will definitely involve facts and figures and working with others.


Regarding your personality and how that fits with the opportunities you might consider, you probably already know that you are reasonably obliging and cooperative, but that is only the beginning. Kim Donna, your scores show that you are a strong team player and, while you will often put the team's goals ahead of your own, you won't always stay in the background or hang back with the crowd. When you know that the team is lagging or taking the wrong direction, you aren't afraid to step forward and put your own ideas on the line and even aggressive opposition will not stop you. However, you don't like disruption and, being instinctively agreeable, you can function well as a mediator and you will strive to restore peace. This preference for harmony doesn't mean that you're a pushover __ you can make tough decisions and convince others that you are right, but your preferred tactic is persuasion not bullying.


So how do you deal with both the humdrum of daily routine and the sudden impact of a crisis? Your personality traits show that you are right on target for the technicalities of modern work: your assessment results indicate that you are conscientious and well organized, with enough flexibility to deal with most challenges. Although you can cope with unexpected demands, you are more comfortable with routine and will have no trouble following established guidelines. What employers will probably value most is your efficiency and your prudence. If possible, you want to avoid unstructured environments as you function best with a predictable workflow in an orderly workspace. For optimal performance, you will probably elect to set your own schedule so that you can manage the details carefully.


Your attention to detail also shows in your approach to planning. Whenever you can, you prefer to follow the old military credo, "Think twice, act once" and you like to be well prepared. You will, no doubt, have a reliable strategy for dealing with a variety of problems and you can usually modify your tactics as situations develop. The gist of the careerXact appraisal of your character is that you are systematic and well-grounded but still able to react to abrupt demands. This combination of traits makes for an outstanding performance in a stable environment with random challenge.


You know how you react to most workplace issues, but what is the best environment for you to do your best work? You don't need to work with others face-to-face all the time and you can cope with some isolation, but you will achieve your highest productivity when working with a group in a lively setting. Because you are friendly and outgoing, Kim Donna, you could also commit to a large group in a noisy, chaotic environment but not for a prolonged period. In a group situation, you participate well because you have the ability to present your ideas with enthusiasm, while at the same time listening for feedback and casual debate. Your instinct may be to be the one doing the talking, but you will yield the spotlight to others because you are not driven to be the center of everyone's attention and you occasionally need time alone to reflect on your efforts and plan your work.


In general, you are open to new acquaintances and fresh views, but you examine both new people and new ideas carefully before accepting them. While you enjoy change and new input, you are able to tolerate some monotony. Consequently, ideal work for you should require frequent interaction with small to medium-sized groups, the support of established procedures as well as development of new protocols, and variable contact with newcomers. Extended periods of isolation or total immersion in-group projects would be equally frustrating for you. Long term assignments must include challenge and opportunity for growth.


Finally, work often creates stress and how you deal with stress is crucial not only for job achievement but also for job satisfaction. The best job in the world is no good to you if it makes you sick with anxiety. You will be glad to know that your personality profile reveals that is usually relaxed and well able to cope with pressure. While you can be pressed into "losing your cool," you regain your composure remarkably well and you find moderate adversity stimulating. You tend to avoid stress and this is a good thing because high pressure for a long period will disturb you. If you must manage a heavy workload in tiresome conditions with unreasonable deadlines, you are not likely to break down but you will need to exert yourself to maintain your focus. You are sensitive to the emotions of others and yourself, but this is kept in perspective and you are not bothered by the normal give-and-take of human relations. You are generally calm and, while aware of stress, you do not let it stop you from achieving your goals. On the whole, whether you are required to give a fast response to a crisis or methodical attention to a routine task, you will work well under most pressures."

Mind Over Matters

Yes, it's true. YOu can't burn a bridge that you're still crossing, nor you can't lose a past that you're still in it; however, i've learned how to get along just fine and funny coz it seemed like i was a natural at it all along. I'm contented now. I stand up. I smile. Yes, I'm good. :)

They always have something to say...

Everyday, i go on duty; and everyday it's always taxi day just before daybreak. It's always boring when you ride alone, yeah, i thought so, too. but not after my 2nd or 3rd taxi ride since the beginning of my trainee months in VMMC (it's a hospital). taxi drivers always have something to say... just to chat... or keep their eyes open for the road. and everytime, they always have different things to say (of course).

There was one who asked for my number, and i gave my sister's number instead. haha. and i told him my name's Jessica! so he texted my sister and said, "hi jessica, thank you sa advice mo kanina ah." oh well, it was just a vitamins advice.

Another was, he dropped me off at Philippine Children's Medical Center, because i kind of fell asleep. (manong, sa ospital ng matatanda po ko, hindi po sa mga bata)

Though most of them were friendly, there were also few who were not so nice. One time, an elder driver kind of raised his voice since i didn't say the right direction, and now he was coming short. okay, i admit i didn't hear him when he asked me whether to go up or down, so he went down and it turned out it was a bit traffic down there. but hey, it's just the same thing, and i wasn't in a hurry! so early, so moody dude!?

There were also drivers who were asking too much... he wanted me to add P30.00 since he's taxi wasn't metered with the new rate yet. you know what i did, i just paid the exact amount reflected on his meter, and he was like, "Grabe ka naman, p30 pa nga lang metro ko, di ka man lang magdagdag.", and i was like, "aba manong, at kasalanan ko pa ngayon yun? atsaka, wala pa akong sweldo po. pasenxa.".. and he went swerving. ( go manong, SPEED THRILLS, BUT KILLS!)

Then there was this "fatherly diplomat" driver who kept on asking me questions like where is my province, what were my plans after my training, do i have plans on going abroad... blah blah blah.. and he also told me that i should be aware of the political condition of our country and of our government and that i should vote (because i did not)...etc etc etc...but that's okay. actually, that was my best ride ever. and he gave me advices on what to do in crowded places, that i should secure my important stuff and all; that i should not stay out so late because it's dangerous especially that i'm a girl. and just as i was about to hand him the fare, he said, "so ija, ahh good luck, God bless, and may you be successful. cge ija." awww...manong naman, parang granpa lang noh.

And just recently, after i resumed my training after the break, manong driver told me i was just lucky he pulled over because i am a nurse. (ohkay...uhmm thank you?) Then he started chatting...the usual intro like most drivers did. He told me he has 2 high school daughters and he hoped they would turn out to be like me(whutt??...good luck sa kanila manong), and he added this, "Nung nakita nga kita kanina dun napapaluha ako, kamukha mo kasi yung bunso ko eh.", and i was like, " wehh?" .."..ah ganun po ba.. hehe" .. (okay, seryoso si manong, stop chuckling kim).

Okay now, since it's a week off for me, i'll have to wait for next week before i can get another scoop from these " interesting" cabbies.

Eat. Drink. Be Merry

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probabaly more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bestfriend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Seamless Soul

strings. yes, they get twined and twisted, let loose, but sometimes, in not so rare cases, strings get tangled and you have no other choice but to cut it so that it can be free again. in the human sense, there should be no strings attached, if possible. people come and go, friends leave with the uncertainty of coming back, even your family starts to slip away from your fingertips, and you would be left to yourself. making that attachments would just bring you nostalgia and frustration. nostalgia is good, but too frequently, it gives you a heart attack. mind you, i've been there, always have; and now i thought i was so over it, but, all along i was just used to it; never breaking away, but just walking around; because i can't, or maybe i won't.
i hate that part of me. the good thing is, i easily make plain attachments to people. making friends is my piece of cake, but somehow, i also get too attached that it brought me to the point of being stranded, and that's the bad part of it. and when parting time comes, nostalgia shows up again. and here i go again.
now i'm fighting it, and i think i'm not good at it.

Motion Sickness

I always tell other poeple that I don't go for competition, or anything of some sort, that if I feel I'm shifting to the left curve I'd rather give way, be rational, and stop going for it; and so did I remind myself of that. But now I dunno if i still have my grip intact. Im starting to doubt my used-to-be strong set of principles. Me and my heart, we got issues. Im not liking it. But i can't seem to get away with it. Is this some kind of centripetal motion? That though i wnt to break frre and move away, all im doing is just move around, but not any farther. Now i have a deeper meaning of "motion sickness". It's more than just 2 words. More than just physiological description of the body being shaken inside and literally would puke if it gets a little longer. It's killing me. Seriously. I am the perfect clown. The expert duck in a pond who seem to be all at ease and serene on the surface but beneath the silk and ripple-free waters are feet that struggling not to drown.

Team MICU: Bloopers today, here, and tomorrow. Words and phrases to live by.

- "tubeeeeg" (patient na may tubo, ngsasalita?..san ka pa?...)
- "buhay buhay" (go kevin, bring out your kilometric speech.. peace kevs! hehe)
- veter half (ay eto ang pamatay... haha)
- spolarium (naman miss "cock"..mural? mural?)
- "masakit, hoy!" ..."who are these people?"- "we are nurses, ma'am." (patient smiles)
- double shocks! (yourstruly...patay ako ni sir nito)
- "Lau, nature ba 'to?" (sabay haplos sa ala-tangled na hair ni lau)
- Pota...(natututo na si doc)
- shyaakk!!! (isa pang expression ni doc)
- kalium durule, 2 durules (repeat 4x....unli? unli?)
- SuSyahL!! (Besa... Besa...Besa...kaw na!.)
- "churba churba"(serbesa?.. hmmm nagdududa na kami sayo ah.. lol)
- and for that.... (sagad sa floor na hand gesture ni chenelyn)
- everybody should be like Lau (oo... kaw na..kaw na.. lol)
- That, I don't know! (sir elmer: "miss Manuel!")
(ma'am Lea: "How honest of you!")


Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Purita man kami, happy all the way!!!!
*power laugh*

Confessions of a Post-Teenage Denial Queen

Okay. so how do i start this?...let's just say, another emo mood has just penetrated into my system and i felt the urge to blog it right away. And it starts now. Have you ever loved and lost? or maybe at least almost, or at the brink of it...but, poof! It's just so close you could almost taste it, but then suddenly, things are getting far and far...and the worst is when it just vanished; just before your very eyes, and you feel like you've been slapped on the face by some unseen force and your entire body just twitched with negative energy. The feeling - urrghh!! you wanna blame somebody else for that but you just can't, and it just makes you even more frustrated! Oh yes, i know you've had that feeling. And in my case, I always have a "regular" dose of it. The best part of being worst about myself is that i'm good at denying things like that. People wouldn't know how affected I am with the situation. Sometimes,even, people would think I didn't care at all, and for that, they call me "stone cold"? ..maybe those are strong words, but I'm something like that. I can live with that, though. It's better that way.
It's just recently (for a long time) that I was able to feel a certain affection to someone. Matter of factly, the first time i saw him, he's not my regular type. First impression: Too good-looking and fair for me, and he seemed like the guy who doesn't take things that seriously. He's "the" typical cute guy... you know what i mean?..but that was my impression of him. And after I knew a little bit about him, i do not anymore support the thing they say about, "First impressions last". Yeah right. I had so many plans in my mind, and that includes getting to know him more, at least at the "close" friends level. He became my inspiration everytime i went on duty. There's something about his aura that made me, and not just me, feel light. I dunno. some of my colleagues always have something to say behind his back,and it hurt me. But i am such a denial queen. I know some people can see through me, but all i do is deny to death, upfront before their very faces. I can even look straight to their eyes without breaking a single sweat on my forehead. I am impossible. Such an M&M i am. Carefully protected with its brightly-colored and happy shell on the outside; but after you put it in your mouth, you realized how fragile its shell is and the chocolate melts bittersweetly. And for that, i hate that part of me.
I know where i'm supposed to be, and i'm supposed to be not affected by anything related to this guy. But there's this feeling of affinity i felt everytime his name crosses into my mind. I don't even know why I was smitten with him. It was just a very short time and i didn't see it coming. True, only when it's gone that you realized how significant it was. Now i appreciate time way better than before; because just as we always say we've got all the time we want, eventually, time always runs out.
Go away. Get the hell out of my head, will ya! You are just a passerby and i am but a bystander. We can talk and say "hi", but it's not like you're gonna sit here with me until the sun sets. Sad, but that's how life is, and people as well. People may stop, but life always goes on. Still, it never stops bothering me, and i know it's going to take a little while before it will finally sink in to me that you're not coming back and only in wishful thinking that i could ever see and talk to you again. It's people like you that makes me wanna wish time machines exist. But the world is not as big as we think it is. And for that, i am sure beyond sure that our paths will cross again. Just like what Superman said, "I'm always around". See you soon, then.