Okay. so how do i start this?...let's just say, another emo mood has just penetrated into my system and i felt the urge to blog it right away. And it starts now. Have you ever loved and lost? or maybe at least almost, or at the brink of it...but, poof! It's just so close you could almost taste it, but then suddenly, things are getting far and far...and the worst is when it just vanished; just before your very eyes, and you feel like you've been slapped on the face by some unseen force and your entire body just twitched with negative energy. The feeling - urrghh!! you wanna blame somebody else for that but you just can't, and it just makes you even more frustrated! Oh yes, i know you've had that feeling. And in my case, I always have a "regular" dose of it. The best part of being worst about myself is that i'm good at denying things like that. People wouldn't know how affected I am with the situation. Sometimes,even, people would think I didn't care at all, and for that, they call me "stone cold"? ..maybe those are strong words, but I'm something like that. I can live with that, though. It's better that way.
It's just recently (for a long time) that I was able to feel a certain affection to someone. Matter of factly, the first time i saw him, he's not my regular type. First impression: Too good-looking and fair for me, and he seemed like the guy who doesn't take things that seriously. He's "the" typical cute guy... you know what i mean?..but that was my impression of him. And after I knew a little bit about him, i do not anymore support the thing they say about, "First impressions last". Yeah right. I had so many plans in my mind, and that includes getting to know him more, at least at the "close" friends level. He became my inspiration everytime i went on duty. There's something about his aura that made me, and not just me, feel light. I dunno. some of my colleagues always have something to say behind his back,and it hurt me. But i am such a denial queen. I know some people can see through me, but all i do is deny to death, upfront before their very faces. I can even look straight to their eyes without breaking a single sweat on my forehead. I am impossible. Such an M&M i am. Carefully protected with its brightly-colored and happy shell on the outside; but after you put it in your mouth, you realized how fragile its shell is and the chocolate melts bittersweetly. And for that, i hate that part of me.
I know where i'm supposed to be, and i'm supposed to be not affected by anything related to this guy. But there's this feeling of affinity i felt everytime his name crosses into my mind. I don't even know why I was smitten with him. It was just a very short time and i didn't see it coming. True, only when it's gone that you realized how significant it was. Now i appreciate time way better than before; because just as we always say we've got all the time we want, eventually, time always runs out.
Go away. Get the hell out of my head, will ya! You are just a passerby and i am but a bystander. We can talk and say "hi", but it's not like you're gonna sit here with me until the sun sets. Sad, but that's how life is, and people as well. People may stop, but life always goes on. Still, it never stops bothering me, and i know it's going to take a little while before it will finally sink in to me that you're not coming back and only in wishful thinking that i could ever see and talk to you again. It's people like you that makes me wanna wish time machines exist. But the world is not as big as we think it is. And for that, i am sure beyond sure that our paths will cross again. Just like what Superman said, "I'm always around". See you soon, then.
